5 things men should do on their first date
1. Be a gentleman. Hold the door, pay for a dinner/drinks, walk her back to her home, BUT say goodbye before she´s thinking “should i invite him in or not?”
2. Unless she has a particular idea of what she wants to do, have a plan set – restaurant, movie, pub. (She: “What do you want to do?”, You: ”I don´t know, what do you want to do?”. Not good!)
3. There is a time limit of gaze where people feel it is appropriate. Go a little bit over that (time, spam, timing), just so she is aware that it is difficult to keep your eyes away from her.
4. Smile (she is not on an interview). She will smile back too.
5. There is an interpersonal distance people feel comfortable with, which is usually 30 to 50 cm. From time to time, reduce this distance. She will feel it is hard for you to stay away. But – don´t do it all the time: she has to feel you give her space, but at times you “forget” yourself and want to be near her.
P.s. chemistry, as always, is important. A) if you do these things, and chemistry isn´t right, she might feel uncomfortable with it, and B) if the chemistry isn´t right you might not want to do these 5 points anyway, because you are in fact not interested.
Wouldn´t it be cool to know how good chemistry will be before you meet in real life?!
5 things women should do for their first blind date
_ _ _
1. Tell a good friend of yours who is it that you will be meeting (contact details, Facebook link, phone), what time and where are you meeting him. If you don´t contact your friend half an hour after you arrange to txt or call her/him, they should call you. If you don´t answer (or answer with an SOS message that you agreed before), they should call the police.
2. Meeting place: is not your own or his. It has to be public.
3. It would be great if this was the man of your dreams, but if he isn´t, watch him carefully – your drink comes from your bartender and not him. Don´t take sweets, tablets or any consumables from him on a first date.
4. “Goodbye” place is a public place too. Even if you would like to kiss him on the first date, and you wouldn´t want other people to see you, it should still be a place where others can hear you.
5. Don´t invite him to your place for your second date either. Again, it would be great if this was the man of your dreams, but if he isn´t, things might go terribly wrong.
And if he is, you´ll get to enjoy him for the rest of your days.
The missing link
Wednesday June 30th 2010, 8:32 am
Filed under: service
“UKdating” recently posted the following: women dating online typically date 23 men before they find a match they´d like to see more than once. They also usually spend 2´000 pounds in the search to that point. Now, why would a woman who likes the photo, likes the profile, likes the chat and might even like the man´s voice, say “no” for a second date after they finally meet? And then repeat that process more or less 22 times with other potential partners?
CHEMISTRY! (I can´t write that big enough)
Chemistry has been there for eternity! It´s how our species survives, it is of such a great evolutionary importance, that nature has made sure people choose (biologically) perfect match. And chemistry feels nice too, otherwise you wouldn´t listen to it in the first place (no one would want to have sex often if orgazam wasn´t such a treat! Nature makes sure we do what we´re supposed to do).
Last 10 – 15 years, it has become a mainstream thing to search for your partner online. It is where the society is today, it is the flip side of the technology.Finding a partner on an online dating site is just about perfect – except that you can´t sense the chemistry…!
It is great to date! Those first blind dates can be really exciting. It is great for 2nd, 3rd, maybe even 6th time… but 22nd blind date?! Not really.
The GenePartner Test gives you the only filter that is still missing in online dating: is this person biologically compatible with me? Is this the person I will have great chemistry with? Of course the Test doesn’t do anything your body couldn’t tell you after just a few moments with a potential partner in person. The racing heartbeat, faster breathing, dilated pupils – all that will come with a great chemistry match. The benefit is simply that it is faster and you don´t have to wait to meet the 23rd guy or 23rd girl, and wait for a year.
And, you might want to safe 1´901 pounds on all those dead-end first dates…
A new way for an old craving
Tuesday May 18th 2010, 3:40 pm
Filed under: service
I spoke to one of my dear professors last week. It’s been a while since the last time we talked, but he’s of course been very much up to date as to what’s been happening on the GenePartner front.
“Brown,” he says “you’re out of your mind!”
“How is that, Professor?” I say with a smile, because I know how he’d sound if he thought I was really out of my mind.
“This thing is brilliant, really. But no one’s going to go for it!”
“And why do you think that is, Professor?” I’m still smiling (he knows quite some people already “went” for it).
“Look, I know I’m not into your young generation stuff, you’re all into iPhones and Facebooks, and God knows what. But, when it comes to love, I don’t want to look for it in my Eppi (Eppendorf tube). Clarissa* and I met on a dance floor, and it was the most romantic thing, I tell you. Especially, since I took her away from her current dance partner” he gives a throaty chuckle. I know the story, of course, but I keep listening. “That’s the best way to meet your life partner, Brown, trust me!”
I trust him. It’s absolutely breathtaking: dancing to the sounds of waltz, in a dim lighten dance hall, seeing her (or him) few feet away, your eyes meet, the heartbeat speeds up, and you make a first steps toward each other, steps that will lead into a long happy life together.
My parents met in a similar way. My aunt as well. And my grandmother, I think, met my grandfather during a local village party. Lovely, I’m sure.
My best friend, however, who is my age met her husband on Match.com. My dear friend from my Ph.D. days who had her bench opposite mine met her girlfriend on a dating site too. My neighbours, a cool looking couple, met on Parship.de.
I, myself, met my husband on uDate.com. (And, mind you, that was 10 years ago when only geeks went to search for their partners online!)
Today, EVERYONE does online dating. And it’s totally cool. What better way to find the love of your life in a busy world we live in today?
There is a catch though: all your prospective matches with lovely photos and matching profile entries, aren’t necessarily those that will make your heart beat faster.
My 67-year-old professor never ever did online dating, and (luckily for him) doesn’t actually know what it’s like to go on a blind date, with your hopes up, and your heart in your throat, only to have it sink down to the sea level in the first 10 seconds of the meeting.
This is not the one, there’s no click, there’s no energy, there’s simply no chemistry!
First time is ok, second as well, third time is still “fun part of the search”, fourth time, however, it stops being fun, and you start feeling the inevitable: “ I want to find a partner. Now”.
That’s why we’re here.
GenePartner will not find you “love”. Love is and will remain a mystic and never completely explained bond between two people. And it’s good that it’s so.
But what GenePartner WILL do for you is help you find the right partner faster. Among all 30 interesting profiles you’re looking at, you will have a blind date with 3. Those three are your very good social matches, because they share your interests, hobbies, age etc. But – they are also the three people with whom you’ll share the perfect chemistry!
GenePartner won’t tell you anything else then you wouldn’t already know once you meet your online contacts. But instead of four to five months that it will take you to meet your 30 dates, GenePartner will make it in one week.
“I´ll swap you my libido for a career boost”
Wednesday May 12th 2010, 9:21 am
Filed under: science
In May, 1960, 50 years ago, first one was made available.
Let´s look at the up-sides:
- It lets you have spontaneous sex! (without consequential reproduction)
- It gives freedom to women to decide when (if ever) they ready to have children
- It can regulate hormone cycles for women with irregular menstrual cycles
- It can prevent acne formation
- It can reduce menstrual flow or stop it completely
- It can reduce PMS (pre-menstrual syndrome).
Let´s look at the down-sides:
- It will block your ovulation, which (for many women) will be a definite down in libido
- It offers no protection against STDs
- It may cause irregular deposits of energy reserves (eg. fat)
- It may cause depression
- It may cause nausea and vomiting (very similar to “morning sickness”, which in fact happens all day long not just in the morning!)
- It may cause mastalgia (breast tenderness)
- It can reduce menstrual flow or stop it completely. (Why is this also “down-side”?)
- It can be a cause of hypertension (higher blood pressure)
- It can negatively influence blood coagulation, and
- It can negatively influence women´s choice of their ideal biological partner. Can anyone tell me why that is?
We are talking about a combination of an oestrogen and progestin hormones combined in a 2 mm thick pill.
It has indeed created a new lifestyle for both women and men.
It had a huge social and economical impact: after 1960 there was a sharp increase in college attendance and graduation for women. It gave women unprecedented control over their own fertility and gave them freedom to separate reproduction from sexual pleasure. It enabled them to avoid pregnancy as long as they chose and, in general, it increased the women/men ratio in business as it enabled women to become more career-oriented without sacrificing personal relationships.
However, being a biologist, I need to reveal something else:
Oral contraceptives, or any other hormonal contraceptives, like IUD (intrauterine device) or contraceptive patch (applied to skin) or injected contraceptives, affect your hormonal balance. Hormones, besides triggering ovulation, have many, many, many other roles to play in your body. Altering your hormones to affect one part of your body (e.g. stopping ovulation) unbalances your body’s entire hormonal system and thus alters the performance of its other roles – including mood, mental health and clarity, metabolism, and various other bodily functions.
Balance in your hormonal system is very difficult to restore as your body will have tried (unsuccessfully) to rebalance itself over time, thus altering the ratios in which it creates various hormones as well as its sensitivity to specific hormonal signals. This means that any and every change you make to your hormones will unbalance the system again and, unfortunately, many women will take time to recover a ‘natural’ or optimal balance.
Every woman should have the right to protect herself from unwanted pregnancy, independent of her partner. But every woman should also know how it affects her and whether the up-sides are greater or worse than the down-sides regarding her own balance of mental and health safety.
Let´s talk about lies
“I am 1,71 cm tall guy. All fine, no big deal, but it would look just a little bit better if I wrote in my profile I rounded it up to 1,80. “
“I am not very sportive. Well, girls don´t need to be sportive. But – perhaps it would be good if I said “I am fit”. Though I never was a fan of any workout. I´m sure with the right guy I´d probably get fit!”
“Why am I here? I´d like to have some fun. With few girls. I need to know what do I want, I don´t want to choose just one! But none of the girls would like it, so I´ll say: “I want a relationship/marriage”. Hey, why not!”
“The picture I placed on my profile page has blond highlights. Many blond highlights. I can´t say on my profile I actually have mouse-colored hair. It´s blond. Of course, it´s blond.”
“50´000? 75´000? No one wants to go out with a guy if she thinks you can´t pay for her dinner. I´ll put in 100´000. How could they know how much I´m earning.”
And big lies.
“In this empty field I´ll write: “ I am single”. If I don´t place my picture online, no one who knows me won´t be able recognize that I already have two children and my wife is carrying the third.”
“Clicking on “no drugs”… I´m sure most guys would prefer…no drugs…listed… but, really…. when I´m with a guy… i´m sure he´d like us to get high once in a while… he doesn´t need to know it just now…”
And why not?
Because she will realize you´re shorter then her when you meet.
Because he wants you to go hiking with him every weekend, and you´d prefer to read a book at home. Every weekend.
Because your girlfriend will want to burn you to ashes when she realizes you´re interested in other “opportunities”.
Because this cool guy you´ve met for some reason really, really, really wants you to be natural. No make up, no painted nails and – no dyed hair.
Because she earns 100´000 too and she might want you to go to a luxury spot somewhere, but you won´t be able to follow her.
Because your lover that swore she will never be with a married man, because it broke her parents marriage, is now doing exactly this. Without knowing. When she finds out, she´ll burn you to ashes too.
Because this guy might be an ex-addict. Who pulled through. And if he finds out you´d like to “get him high”, he will simply walk away. Unless he burns you to ashes first.
Because seriously, in the end, we want this relationship to work. And any small or large differences from our own person will have to delay, or even cancel, meeting with this individual.
Stay true, and the reward will come.
How long will it take you to find a perfect match?
A journalist lady did a research for her article on DNA dating and was now sitting in front of me with a pen and block of paper. After few polite questions such as: how many members do you have, and how did it all come about, she finally came to the one that really interested her:
“Aren’t you bothered you’re killing romance in this way?”
I love it when they make it easy for me.
“As an answer, let me describe you two scenarios, and you will tell me which one would you prefer if it was you.” She agrees to the game with an expression of interest on her face.
“Tom is single. He’s a very romantic guy. Roses, red wine and candle light. For the right girl, of course. He’s in pursue of his Mrs. Right. She’s out there somewhere, no doubt!
He met someone interesting on Jeniffer’s party two weeks ago. They had very good chemistry. Didn’t talk much though, but they’ll have plenty of time for that, he thinks.
Plenty of time came and went, coz she can’t stand dogs, and he’s got two at home.
Must love dogs, he makes a mental note.
He got talking to a very interesting girl on a lunch break the other day, very smart lassie, but simply couldn’t bring himself to imagine doing anything more then talk with her. Must be hot, he makes another mental note.
So he decides to go online. Smart move, he thinks to himself, he’ll find a girl in no time.
And he does, a few as a matter of fact. But despite their pleasant looks, and matching profiles, there’s no raise in heart beat, no butterflies in the stomach, he leaves for home alone, every time.
Our romantic Tom eventually did find the perfect Mrs. Tom by meeting Hannah who was as perfect as he could hope for, and it came with a bonus coz it was that amazing and rare blood racing, heavy breathing kind of first time meeting too! So he’s happy coz after 9 months of searching, and numerous dates, he finally found the One. It was worth the wait, he thinks.
“Here’s a second scenario: Tom is on a dating site. He has a GenePartnerID. Hannah is on the same dating site. She also has a GenePartnerID. They come up in each other’s searches as high social compatibility AND biological compatibility match. After few days of chatting they are both excited because they discovered they are totally on the same wave length! They decide to meet each other in person. She invites him for a nice dinner. They leave the dinner table before the desert is served, leaving peaces of clothes on the floor on the way to the bedroom.
Tom is blissfully happy. He’s found the Mrs. Tom. And it was only month and a half ago that he took the plunge and went on his online search. Isn’t life great, he thinks.”
My guest smiles.
She wrote a lovely article.
Let me give you a Little Hint: “He´s into you!”
I’ve done online dating. It’s a lot of fun, like online catalogue shopping: like, like, don’t like, don’t like, don’t like, like, don’t like, like, don’t like, don’t like …
The catch is that finding love should not be at all like catalogue shopping. But how do you go around it if you’re using online dating site? And you do, because, let’s face it: in the world we live in, it’s simply the most convenient way to go about finding love.
“LittleHint”, the online dating platform that launched recently, found the way! They use the combination of traditional matchmaking techniques and the new convenient way of online communication. The basis of their expertise is a simple truth: the greatest love is often found within our own social network.
So how does it work?
First, people join as a matchmaker or decide if they would like to be matched themselves. To find a match, people must first fill in a brief questionnaire, which is needed to create a “Little Hint” profile. The profile takes into account the cognitive and behavioral traits that will help “Little Hint” make the best social match for you.
One of the aspects in their social compatibility matching I find absolutely brilliant is that one of the key components they asses is the way you communicate love. There are four main ways we all communicate love: words, gifts, time, and touch. We need to be with a partner whose language of love we will understand! Even if it’s not the same, we need to know and understand what it is.
My catalogue shopping session so many years ago went amazingly well: the specimen I chose turned out to share both my language of love, AND high biological compatibility with me (and we didn’t even have the GenePartner Test back then!). Lucky strike!
“Little Hint” doesn’t leave things to luck: they are committed to helping people find The One!
He says: What’s in it for me?
Dear Men, have you read our post “The perfect sperm (d)owner” last week? That’s great, because I’m about to link it to something very dear to you all.
We discussed the evolutionary perspective of why judging biological compatibility is an inbuilt filter for partner choice in women.“Pah!”, you say, “what’s in it for me?” And you’re right. From an evolutionary point at least. Males are primed to spread their genetic material as far as humanly (or animally) possible. It doesn’t matter where the seed lands, because a few of those seeds are certain to land on fertile ground (meaning: with biologically compatible woman who will give birth to healthy and resistant children). However, luckily for us women, civilized society developed in such a way that it has become a norm that men and women are usually equal caregivers to their children. Having children that are healthy is therefore in the interest of the male party in the relationship as well.
Putting that aside, why do men search for biological compatibility?
The same way an orgasm is a strong driver for repeated and frequent sex, biological compatibility is the driver for sex with the right person. A woman is a lot likelier to crave sex during the days of her cycle when she’s ovulating and she is far likelier to crave it with a man she is biologically compatible with. So, what’s in it for you men? Hot sex. Biologically compatible woman will be a lot more responsive in bed than women that are not biologically compatible to you. Assuming you care about whether you sex partner is interested and responsive in bed, you might want to consider the GenePartner Test before going on an online dating hunt.
The perfect sperm (d)owner
Tuesday April 06th 2010, 9:39 am
Filed under: science
From evolution point of view, a woman (as any female in the animal kingdom) is investing a whole lot when choosing a partner: getting pregnant, carrying pregnancy for 40 weeks, birth, breastfeeding, nurturing and caretaking until a child’s adult age are only few of the investments she is making. Even if she’s not consciously doing it, what she’s searching for is a perfect father to her children (whether she plans to have children or not, the instinct is there). From evolutionary perspective, she’s looking for a worthy sperm donor for her life long investment.
What does perfect male have?
High sperm quality. She doesn’t want to spend years in “trying” to get pregnant. He needs to have “the right genes” so that her child (children) will have the best possible chance to remain healthy and alive. One important group of the “right genes” her body is automatically sensing is a group of HLA (human leukocyte antigen) genes, which play a major role in body’s immune system response against a disease. In short, the higher variety of HLA genes a person has, the better is the defence mechanism against a variety of diseases.
But how would she recognize a perfect biological match if there was no physical signal?
Raised heartbeat and butterflies in the stomach, are means her body is communicating to her this is biologically compatible guy: “Jump on him”!
She doesn’t do that. He needs to be socially compatible too, because, unlike the majority of the animal kingdom, humans have developed a fine partnership relation where both man and woman stay together and take care of the progeny… most of the time. They will spend a lot of time together so they need to be on the same “wave length” too.
If he’s on the same wave length as well as hot, then she jumps on him.
Of course, none of this goes though any lady’s mind in exactly this way. It’s all very fine tuned, automatic sequence of events that allows for the best possible partner choice, and it happens naturally and subconsciously.
“But I don’t understand it, after I’ve done the GenePartner Test, when I find the guy online that is both socially and biologically compatible to me, how will I know it, will I recognize it when we meet?” Tanya, one of our members writes to us.
To all the ladies with the same question in mind: The man will take your breath away!